


And in my head the visions never stop

by folgate



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, i just. i love them. thank you for your time.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:45:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11363388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/folgate/pseuds/folgate
Summary: Morgana wakes up, breathing heavily, and before she has time to call Gwen, she's already there, hugging her, rubbing her back until Morgana's her exhaustion overtakes her and she lays back in bed.





	And in my head the visions never stop

Morgana has always known she's different. Quiet, when the other children were loud. Mature, when her peers were still childish. But she didn't know quite how far it went.   
The dreams started when she was very young, so young she can't remember. They used to be nice dreams, a vision of her mother bathed in sunlight or frolicking through a great castle, but as she got older, they got darker. She assumed she was being exposed to more of the problems of the world. 

She used to call poor Guin into her room at every out of the night for a glass of water or another pillow or anything, anything to keep the dreams away. Guin would sit with her, smoothing her hair away from her forehead and breathing deeply until Morgana remembered to do the same. It wasn't uncommon for whoever brought breakfast to find them curled up, Morgana under the blanket and Guin sleeping against the wall. Nobody ever thought anything of it. 

Gaius gave her a sleeping draught which made the dreams go away, but not entirely. Sometimes one would slip through and she'd sit up in bed, her heart racing and her forehead wet with sweat. She learned to calm down without someone there, alone in her too-big bedroom with its too-tall ceilings and the too-long windows letting the moonlight stream through. The air would dry her forehead, and her breathing would calm her heart and eventually she'd lay back down in bed and try for another few hours of sleep before dawn. 

She starts a dream journal. She writes in the palest ink, so that she can barely see it in the light. Her dreams are almost prophecies and she knows if Uther got wind of them, he wouldn't be very happy at all. Every morning she writes, every time she wakes up in the middle of the night. Guin doesn't ask any questions, taking her odd book to be some sort of calming ritual for her. In some ways, it is, but it's also a way for Morgana to validate her suspicions. What she dreams really does come true. 

She knows her dreams aren't normal when she dreams a girl tries to drown Arthur, and the girl shows up the next day at the castle. She tries to tell Gaius but he brushes her off as if she's some small child. I know what I'm talking about, she wants to tell him. She wants to stomp her feet and scream because Arthur's going to die, but that won't help anybody. He's okay, in the end, but Morgana doesn't feel any better. 

"Seer?" she hears Gaius whisper as she walks out, and she goes to the library later that day and finds out what it means, what it is. What she is. And she ignores it. She ignores the dreams. She ignores what Gaius says. She ignores what she just read. And it drifts to the back of her mind, and she forgets. Just as it should be.

The dreams don't stop. Arthur keeps drowning, the murky waters surrounding his pale face. It's all she can do to keep from sobbing when she wakes up at night. She calls for Guin only once that week, and apologizes for waking her up, but Guin won't have it.   
"My lady, no. It's not your fault."  
"Morgana, please," replies Morgana. Surely Guin can call her by her first name, at least in these short periods of time when they are so close.   
"Morgana, it's okay. It'll be okay," says Guin in a calming voice, and places her hand softly on Morgana's forehead, wiping away the dampness that's collected there. Morgana takes a deep, shaky breath and closes her eyes, feeling Guin's hand on her shoulder. It's comforting, to say the least. She might be dead if it weren't for Guin, from sleep loss if nothing else. 

She knows the dreams aren't normal when things start breaking. When she starts breaking things. Shattering things. Burning things. When the dreams start passing into real life. There are candles in the night, glass on the floor, visions in her head. They're too loud, she can't sleep. They're getting her in trouble. Her voice is hoarse from screaming every night, waking up and calling for Guin, Gaius, anybody. Her eyes are red from crying in the middle of the night. 

Guin wraps her arms around Morgana for the fifth time that week, rocking her back and forth in her embrace. She whispers calming words in her ear, and pulls her hair back from her face, carefully laying her back down in her bed. The moonlight frames Guin, and there are bags under her eyes. Morgana knows it's her fault they're there, and she resolves to do something about it, if not for her own sake, then for Guin's. 

Finally, she goes to see the druids, and it's quiet in her mind. For once since she was little. Morgana feels like there have been people shouting at her from the inside for ages, fighting battles without her permission. But here, in the forest, she has power over her own mind. The only voice allowed in is Mordred's, and her own. For the first time, she feels like she's in control, not of others, but of herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much. I lové katie mcgrath. The title is from Supercut by Lorde. I hope you liked it!!


End file.
